BOOK REVIEW: Challenges and Rewards of Marrying a Military Officer

BOOK REVIEW: Challenges and Rewards of Marrying a Military Officer

By Abdulsalam Mahmud

Recently, Barrister (Mrs.), Victoria Anwuli Irabor, President of the Defence and Police Officers’ Wives Association (DEPOWA), authored a book that somewhat looks like a miniature autobiography.

When I authored a book “Gen LEO Irabor: The PEARL of Defence,” in 2022 with the blurb provided by Senator Kashim Shettima, now Nigeria’s Vice President, I never knew that the wife of the ‘four stars military general’ is a consummate writer.

Her book, titled: “The Journey of a Military Wife,” fell short of being classified as an autobiography because it spoke only about a chapter of her life.

I must admit that it is the first book I have come across, in recent years, that is written by a spouse of any military personnel. Perhaps, and unlike cooking, writing is not the forte of many better halves of the men working as personnel of the Nigerian Armed Forces.

As such, Barr. Vickie Irabor, deserves a tremendous applause for delving into the writing terrain which one can say is ‘dreaded’ by her DEPOWA colleagues.

“The Journey of a Military Wife” is categorized into 14 chapters. They include Readings from Husband-General, Foreword, Introduction, The Rude Awakening, Barrack Life, Courses, Postings, and Promotions, and Owa and Excesses of Women.

The rest are Tradition, Customs, and Ethics in the Armed Forces of Nigeria, Time of War, When at the Top, Protocol and Etiquettes, Time to say Goodbye, Photospeak, and About the Author.

The idea to write “The Journey of a Military Wife”, according to Mrs. Irabor, was born out of an acute dearth of materials from which wives of military officers in Nigeria could gain knowledge and information about the career of their husbands.

She said, in the Chapter 3 of her book, that: “Experiences of most military wives have shown that they start their journey as officers’ wives in the barracks largely uninformed. Their husbands are unable to explain to them what the military career entails clearly and fully; where they attempt, they cannot possibly expose their wives to all they should know in preparation for the journey ahead.

“It is on this premise that this book was birthed: to equip and guide military wives and those intending to marry officers with true-life stories and experiences of the author and other military wives whose husbands are either serving or retired.

“It should also be useful for relatives and friends of military wives and the society at large, because it should give them an idea if life in the barracks and bases. It is hoped that this book will equip many with adequate information to enable them to give the right support to military wives when the need arises”.

The 14th DEPOWA President’s book, like her beau, the Chief of Defence Staff, CDS, Gen. Leo Irabor, said in the first chapter, typifies the challenges associated with the military job, which military wives and children must go through.

“I strongly recommend this book to the world. I consider it a must-read for every soldier or policeman of all ranks, as great lessons can be drawn from the stories shared. I had a good laugh while reading and wondered how my wife was able to keep records of stories and detailed events of decades.

“This book will equally help for relaxation, since it contains some hilarious episodes of military activities that could take the mind away from the challenges of the job. Also, this book will equally help for relaxation since it contains some hilarious episodes of military activities that could take the mind away from the challenges of the job.

“Also, the book has advocated for certain changes within the military system. Most certainly, they will be looked into. The new knowledge and understanding from this book will form part of future reviews of policies and programs to the end of maintaining the professional disposition of the Armed Forces of Nigeria,” Gen. Irabor said.

As for Hon. Justice Fati Lami Abubakar, a former Nigerian First Lady, the author, in simple and lucid prose, gave historical narrative of her life from the period of her stay in the Army Barracks at the tail end of her NYSC programme in Abuja, her courtship to the then young Captain Irabor, their marriage, and their journey as a family in his career as he rose through the ranks to the present topmost position as the Chief of Defence Staff – in consequence of which she is the President of the Defence and Police Officers’Wives Association (DEPOWA).

Justice Lami Abubakar, in the second Chapter of Mrs. Irabor’s book, said that the DEPOWA President’s experiences, which were garnered all those years in the barracks, clearly stand her out as an icon in the military barracks community.

She said: “They also give an intimate insight into her understanding of the realities of the military institution. They particularly give a graphic picture of the experiences of officers’ wives, their joy, anxieties and, at the same time, their pride and happiness that go with being a military officer’s wife.

“She extensively deals with practically all aspects of military life. In the process, she puts the reader through tutorials on the regiment of the institution, the ethics, protocols, and norms established and entrenched in the system.

“The book gives detailed information regarding the various associations of the military officers’ wives within and out of the barracks, and the ethics, protocols, conventions and norms that guide the relationships among the officers’ wives.

“The book, in all, can be called a guide and handbook, not only to the military brides-to-be, but also to the wives of the officers serving and retired, and the generality of the people. The book is thus a pioneer on its own merit. It is a citadel of information and knowledge that is beneficial not just to the wives and members of the military family, but Ali an education to civilians”.

Unequivocally, I am of the opinion that “The Journey of a Military Wife” is one book that is written by an accomplished military wife who has had her fair share of experience of life in the barracks. The book is laden with instructive, informative, and inspirational contents that will benefit Nigerian military wives.

“The priceless lessons contained in this book are such that every military wife should cherish. They can identify and relate with the author’s experiences. No doubt, the stories shared by the author will strike the right chord in any military wife who picks up this book to read, because life in the barracks basically comes with similar excitement and challenges.

“It is hoped that this book will be useful to military wives for decades to come and equally serve as a roadmap for junior and senior military officers’ wives whose husbands are still serving, to navigate through their journey in the barracks. It can also serve as a reference material for researchers and for policy planning for military families,” said in part of the book’s INTRODUCTION is apt.

Mrs. Vickie Irabor is a leading gender development expert, astute administrator, excellent corporate lawyer, a consummate military wife and spouse of the Nigerian Chief of Defence Staff (CDS).

A chartered secretary and administrator, she is a Fellow of the Institute of Chartery Secretaries and Administrators of Nigeria (ICSAN) with over 25 years in corporate legal practice and Boardroom experience. Mrs. Irabor studied Law at the University of Benin, Benin City and was called to the Nigerian Bar in 1992.

An avid lover of knowledge and holder of multiple master’s degrees, Victoria A. Irabor earned a master’s degree in Corporate Management and Finance Law from the Lagos State University; a Master of Laws degree from Northern University, Dhaka, Bangladesh; and yet another Masters in Conflict, Security and Development (MCSD), from the prestigious Nigerian Defence Academy (NDA) just to support her husband on issues of national security.

As the President of DEPOWA, Mrs. Victoria A. Irabor has embarked on several humanitarian activities and Interventions which has brought succour to widows and orphans of Nigeria’s fallen heroes, and the vulnerable in the society.

Her inspirational leadership and strategic advocacy in mental health support, treatment and management, especially by championing and initiating the establishment of a novel, first of its kind in Africa, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Centre, Abuja, for the Armed Forces of Nigeria, an initiative applauded and supported by the former First Lady of Nigeria, Mrs. Aisha Buhari, has continued to win her accolades both locally and globally.

Mrs. Irabor’s inspirational leadership legacy has also led to DEPOWA’s conferment of special consultative status with the United Nation’s Economic and Social Council (ECOSOC) – a status that allows DEPOWA participate actively in the UN system and its global Sustainable Development Goals (SDG) agenda. She lives happily with her Husband-General, and their marriage is blessed with 2 lovely biological children.

Like Justice Lami Abubakar, I must admit that I am exceedingly impressed with the narrative style of Barr. Victoria Irabor’s book.

Indeed, the structure of the book, and the manner the chapters were crafted and smoothly blended, makes “The Journey of a Military Wife”, a compelling read.

Mahmud, the Deputy Editor of PRNigeria, is also the author of “Irabor: The Pearl of Defence”.